philosophymom (philosophymom) wrote,
philosophymom
philosophymom

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New name

I have decided to re-name my journal. The blog's been called "small pond" (no caps) since, oh, I don't know, back in 2004, when I first opened it on Blogspot (so, we're talking fifteen years!). After about a year of occasional posts demonstrating that I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with a weblog, I abandoned that account and followed some online acquaintances over to LiveJournal, where they seemed to be having a grand time. I soon figured out that their experience was connected to their involvement in fandom communities, which aren't really my scene; nevertheless, my re-established small pond did okay at the new venue. These were still the golden years of LJ, see, and one often picked up regular readers simply on the basis of shared profile interests. It turned out that knowing I was being read was flattering enough to keep me going past the usual point at which one's interest in a new toy starts to wane; hence, "small pond" persisted, even through my change of username and the utter waning of LiveJournal (not to mention my unsought divorce and the subsequent depressed purging of much of my early archive -- esp. the posts focusing on what I'd thought was my happy home life).

The old title, as one might guess, came from my acute awareness of the fact that I've lived most of my life as the proverbial big fish in a succession of small ponds -- that is, as a high achiever in a variety of low-stakes contexts. I thought it conveyed both the ironic contentment with life that I felt on my best days *and* the bit o' boredom that plagued me on my worst. And it was straightforwardly (if metaphorically) descriptive of my situation!

But it's past time for a change. The longer one stays in any particular pond -- and I'm still in same one from fifteen years ago -- the smaller a fish she becomes relative to it. Age, exhaustion, trials, and existential ennui diminish a person, and you know they've completed their work on the day that you realize how little it bothers you (it is, after all, the natural order of things). As a person who is (belatedly) starting her third act (note change of metaphor), I need a new way of thinking about my place in the world. So ... "I'll have what I'm having." It's not original, and it's not yet descriptive of my attitude. But I'd like it to be.
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